We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
