so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
