you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
