my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
