at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
