where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
