I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
