good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I just sharted jello shots
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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