hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
