just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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