Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
