Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
