i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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