I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
operation harelip BJ is a go
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
