So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
