We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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