I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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