tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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