You can't motorboat a personality
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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