Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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