Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
