Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
