She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
