That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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