Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
