Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
