just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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