I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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