I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
