if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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