you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dont even know how to be here
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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