drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
