Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
