Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
