Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
