he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
