I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When are your genitals available?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
