It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
