My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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