Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
