So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize