Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
