you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
