Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and she was petting her beer can
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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