got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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