OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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