pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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