if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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