Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
