He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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