i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
