Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
