So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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