how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
