didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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