she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
