I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
