we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
