there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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