I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
