Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
