If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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