I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
