he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
