bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
