my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
