i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize