You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
