ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
