Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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